exaggeration is sweet

Always

2011-01-27T05:50:00.001+08:00

Between fighting a war between my heart and my mind? Nah, I'd rather eat puke. Ew. Gross!

I'm liking the song "Always" by Atlantic Stars. IDK. Last song syndrome, I guess. Maybe the melody captivated me. Or the fact that it's sang as a duet--male and female. I so love duets! Or maybe the lyrics struck me in a different...uh, level. I mean, honestly, it's just so sweet! The way they were singing like they were just having a normal conversation, only with melody. I know I sound stupid or ignorant, but it's just beautiful and everything. Can't really help but appreciate it. Well, my bad for liking old music. Rather, Oldies Music.

BOY:

Girl you are to me

All that a woman should be

And I dedicate my life to you always

GIRL:

A love like your's is rare

It must have been sent from up above

And I know you'll stay this way for always

BOTH:

And we both know

That our love will grow

And forever it will be you and me ...hey

Ooh you're like the sun

Chasing all the rain away

When you come around you bring brighter days

You're the perfect one

For me and you forever will be

And I will love you so for always

BOY:

Come with me my sweet

Let's go make a family

And they will bring us joy for always

GIRL:

Oh boy I love you so

Can't find enough ways to let you know

But you can be sure I'm yours for always

BOTH:

And we both know

That our love will grow

And forever it will be you and me ...hey

Ooh you're like the sun

Chasing all the rain away

When you come around you bring brighter days

You're the perfect one

For me and you forever will be

And I will love you so for always

Oooh

I will love you so for always

Oooh

I will love you so for always

It's amazing isn't it? Perfectly sweet. *sigh* A love like THAT is rare.

A Translate

2011-01-26T06:27:00.000+08:00

私はどうも嫌いだ。私はあなたが消えることを望む！
崖から飛び降りる行く！私は、デビッドなんて大嫌い！
しかし、私はほとんど自分の嫌いです。

Thanks to Google Translate. Had fun, really.

Acceptance

2011-01-23T23:25:00.000+08:00

A revelation dawned at her, and all she could think of was him. But, it was wrong. She knew that, but she still persisted. The thing is, she's obsessed. And it can't be helped by the fact that she sees him almost everyday. Sometimes she goes out of her way and brave through him. It was uncalled for, she knew that, too. But, she always has this sudden rush of emotions boiling out of the surface whenever he is around. She's helpless. HOPELESS.

Thanks to a friend, I actually (kind of) convinced myself to accept the circumstances. The situation I have with him. Sad. But it is the best way to react. If that is the word for it, anyway.

The Attending Nurse

2011-01-22T13:20:00.000+08:00

Contentment and satisfaction. They go together. Always. But, I can't be contented if my hunger for achieving my goal won't be satisfied. And that is to make my family proud. Which in turn, would make myself proud of ME.

Vice-President: Sales & Marketing

Head Chef/Cook

Cardiologist

I might plan to change careers, you know. People in the house are getting old. Except for, Ma. She has Anemia, yes, but she's a whole lot healthier than any mother her age. I've got Anemia, too. And of course, I'm healthy. I'm 19. Anyway, it's like me and my two younger sisters are the only ones without something in our bodies.

Ruined

2011-01-22T11:36:00.000+08:00

To live is the rarest things in the world. Most people just exist, that's all. --unknown (to me, anyway)

Pete just ruined my day. WTH! So early in the morning (well, not really, really early like 5am or something). I over analyzed this of course. Technically, he really did ruin my morning. I mean, they just have the same sms styles AND they send the message, TWICE. They're so alike, I can't help but...but WTV.

***

While my mind was doing a fiasco on its own and my heart some amazing cartwheels, he was just there...on the bench, sitting like the Greek god that he is. It's funny how one look at those penetrating baby blues--which is a contrast to his dark shiny hair--makes you wish you were Percy Jackson's mother and had a delight to be the mate of an Olympian god (Not that you'll know from the start. That he's actually a Greek god.)

***

I have such low self-esteem issues (But really high self-importance issues. If that's an issue. WTV). Sometimes (No, more like, USUALLY) I forgot how awesome I am. Not that I'm getting into the big-head territory or something. It's just that I feel sorry for myself because I felt that way about me. I felt so little (not literally) and so irrelevant. People care for me just because it's the right thing to do, not because they really and sincerely want to.

You see, for them, I'm a lost cause. Definitely a lost cause.

LIARS. PRETENDERS. PLASTICS.

HELLO 2011

2011-01-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

My first blog entry for this year. Been a while since I was here. Missed it.

miss v

2010-10-27T07:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I want to punch him in the face. No scratch that. I feel the NEED to punch him in the face. It might help me feel better. Oh hell yeah! My knuckles are aching to knock him dead on the floor.

That is delicious. And so evil. *evil laugh*

Sorry, luv, if I hadn't been around for so long. Been busy and very lazy. Sorry.

Irrelevant

2010-09-17T00:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday (Sept16) was a day full of stupidity. Pure and simple stupidity. Overruling emotions. Agile emotions. Stupid emotions. Cheesy? Corny? Yes. I don't know what to say or type right now. Well, it's more like I don't know how to type/say it. I'm just too overwhelmed.

And I hate it. I want to cry, but I'm too exhausted. I want to go to sleep~

2010-09-14T05:38:00.001+08:00

From the Suite Life of Zac & Cody...

Zack: Ow! Papercut! Kiss it please?

Mr. Moseby: You can’t even see it.

Zack: You can’t see a broken heart either, but it still hurts.

Frustrated & Rude

2010-09-14T05:15:00.000+08:00

It was un-gentleman-ly of you to do that. Very rude and impolite. Have you no heart? You really are inconsiderate. But, perhaps it was your way of saying/showing that it's really over. That you're taking THE BIG STEP. But, still it was wrong. You could've atleast told me earlier--gave me a heads-up.

Nuon, sala pod tingali nako ngano wa ko niduol at first. Though I don't think mao na ang rason. Anyway, unsaon man pod nako pag-duol nga naa man ka ka-storya. Busy. Hm. You were so cute pa naman! What, with that hat and pa-tisoy look? Haha. Yeah dude, you nailed it. A gold prize ladiesman. Hm. Well, that's just so you.

Everyday I love
Everyday I'm crushed
Everyday I hate
Everyday I'm touched

I stumble and I crumble
I stutter and I fumble
For words that are right
To your ears, hope it might

When will this merry-go-round end?
So you cannot hurt me and cannot offend?

~091310mon

***

BELATED HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY GIZELLE "TETEL" PASTRANO LABIAL!!

DONE!!!

2010-09-09T08:34:00.000+08:00

OKAY~ I've done it. I just recently DEACVTIVATEd my Facebook account. Minimize distractions. Really~

2010-09-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

I think I might want to delete my Facebook profile. You know, for a change. A huge one, at that. Just like Dandan. :) Gaka-distract naman jud ko og ayo gud. Samuk na kaayo. Hm though I will be thinking about this for a long time. Really. Or e-delete nako ako first nga FB profile, mag-make dayon ko og new profile. :) How about that. :) A good idea~ Yes?

*sigh*

A Route

2010-09-07T10:03:00.000+08:00

It seems we're always going to be like this, Love. *sigh* Oh well. What can I do? This seems to be a routine of ours lately. So unchanging~ Always at my expense. ;|

~090610mon

I Mourn

2010-09-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

If you don't, then DON'T. Never try to force yourself. I will be the one who gets hurt, NOT you. So if you value us--our friendship and WTV--then don't. STOP and GO AWAY! Or rather, I'll stop and go away--which is far too better.

I'm very sad. I'm very dismayed. I need time to mourn this. Maypa siya, matextan lang nimo og dali. Maypa siya, imong maremember. Maypa siya, love nimo. I'm not jealous. I'm just envious. I know it's wrong. I'm sorry. Pero sakit lang jud kaayo. Kaayo.

As much as I wanted for you to NOT notice me that time sa library, now that I realized it, it would have been better that you didn't approach me and you'd just walked away. Makit-an bako nimo or wala, everything would have been prettier for me if we had't seen each other, nor talk. I shouldn't have came in the first place. I knew there will come a time that I might bump into you there. But, no, I just have to go my way and study in that library, just to get an excuse to the possibility of seeing you. Pathetic? Desperate? Nahhh~ WTV.

We had a nice chat in FB. I hope I can get to know Darryl more. He's a not that bad. :) And we have something in common--we're still in love with the people in our pasts. Though, past is past. Haha

~090510sun

2010-09-03T09:01:00.001+08:00

I felt your presence. :) Amazing how I’m still attached to you. I felt your stare. Your gaze is just piercing and adoring at the same time. How I long to be the object of affection of such menacing yet sweet eyes. Oh, Love, how I admire you in every way that you are. And despite of our differences and the unconscious gap we have between us, not to mention a complicated situation on house, you’re still YOU. And I’m still in love with you. I may be falling out of love, any moment now, but I think it would be too soon for that. I’m testing myself. You know, in overcoming my desire to see you, to hug you, to kiss you, to be with you. Cliché? So what! OA? So what? Exaggerated? WTV! It doesn’t matter anyway, because the only relevant thing I want right now is you.

Anyhow, saying “I need you” is different than saying “I want you”. The second statement is of selfish reasons and origins, while the first statement is of necessity—and grave longing, or perhaps, hunger. LOL! Murag korek! Unsa ni, Twilight? Hehe~ OK I’m so out of the topic here. Back to the main one…

Love, pagkakita nako sa imo, while nangita ka sa imo magulang, wala ko ka-tuo nga naa ka atong tungura. Murag feeling nako nag-hallucinate ko. Murag lisod kayo katuohan, para sa ako, nga naa ka, nga duol raka, nga naa jud ka. Pagka-bantay jud nako nimo, Love, nilingiw jud ko balik sakong libro sa Economics. Pasangil nalang og basa-basa sa libro, when in fact ga-contemplate diay tuod ko sa akong nakita—kun ikaw bajud to. Nilahos sa salog akong panan-aw bei! Paspas kayo ang beat sakong heart. SUPER DUPER FAST! KUSOG PAJUD KAAYO. Murag nagud ko og mabungol, as in! Feel gane nako nga nakadungog ka, kay grabe jud kaayo ka-kusog, I felt my heart would rip out my ribs and tore its way out of my chest; that at anytime, my heart would explode. Love, kun kabalo lang ka, DAGHAAAN kayo ko og gusto e-estorya sa imo. As in! Mga chikka about sa ako og sa akong life. Daghan kayo ko og gusto e-share. Na-notice nako nga ga-smile ka once in a while. Nice kaayo, Love. :) Gi-deny pajud nimo nga birthday nimo karong Friday. LOL~ defense mechanism? Haha hm~ pangga, unsaon nalang kaha kun wa ta nagkita karon. Mag-three weeks najud nah. Hapit usa ka month. Amazing basad. Haha diri makita kun haa ko taman. LOL.

When you sat down beside me, our chairs were a bit close. You were smiling and went, “’Musta naman ka?” something like that, though it wasn’t a question. Waw. Damn, I missed him!

I want to kiss you, Love. I feel the need to hug you. Badly~

Oops! Got carried away. Haha! And I made a rule for myself, that I should only kiss a boy, if he’s my boyfriend (lover) or my fiancé or my husband. Ayeeee~ Hahaha xD I kept staring at his lips, kasi eh~

“Kung wala ka kay ga-stand by raman ko.”

Sorry, Love, for giving you an informal parting. I hate goodbyes. Really. I can’t afford to look at you—look into those tantalizing eyes—for the last time, before I go. It hurts kaya! Pastilan, mag-ba-bye-ba-bye napod mo unya walay sureness nga magkita mo sunod. Hm~ I sensed you wanted more than just that, “bye”. I thought I noticed you stare at me and gave an uncharacteristic or rather, an unusual sigh or aura. IDK. Maybe I was just dreaming. You know, mag-damgo nga importante sad ko sa imo, nga gimingaw jud ka sa ako. Though, libre mangarap! *sigh* I thought you wanted me to kiss you goodbye, or hug you, perhaps. Well, wala lang ka kabalo unsa ako gina-think tong pag-lingkod/pag-tapad palang nimo kaganiha sa lib. Gaka-distract ko sa imong lips. Hm! Pastilan! I’m such a perv! Gawd! Abnormal man ko oyy! >.< Ha! Don’t blame me! Ngano gud dugay mi wala nagkita. In love pajud ko sa iya, hantod karon—though kamulo ko og move on, srsly—so natural rana nga ing ana akong ma-feel or akong reaction basta naa siya. WTV.

Happy 18th birthday, Love. :)

~0902-0310thu-fri

2010-09-02T11:14:00.000+08:00

Taking this time to strengthen the bond between you and an old friend could pay out in dividends, as you may need support from outside your family when dealing with some turbulence at home. Take refuge in a nearby park or natural reserve to strategize and think things through clearly. --Goat

A mismatched pair adds tension to your world for a while, but they'll leave soon. Your friends and family have a lot to say today -- too much, most likely! That doesn't mean you should blow them off, but at some point your impatience is sure to show through. Then it's time to act! --Sagittarius

~September 2, 2010 Horoscope, source: shine.yahoo.com

This is so true!! Can I say 75% accurate?! Oh dear! Haha this is a bit creepy. But, a whole lot of awesomeness! xD Coolio~

Uncertain

2010-09-02T07:00:00.000+08:00

Momo I love them both. You know that. But you also know that I’m in love with only one of them. But, as you can observe, I also want to give the other a chance. But, I also want someone new. I want to explore my options (not that I really have any). But I’m hoping/waiting for someone to come. You know, someone exciting, unpredictable and sweet at the same time, and the likes. I’m NOT in a hurry. Srsly! But, then again, it would’ve been nice to experience being in love with an outsider and NOT one of my barkada. For a change, love.

~082810

IDK what to expect on his day. I think I’m paranoid.

Na unsa na kaha siya karon? I heard, his grades aren’t on the best moods. I hope he’s doing fine—I hope he’s studying. Na-a na kaha siyay nagustuan nga girl karon? How is he coping? What will he do? What kind of girl is she? I’m hurt. I don’t have the right to be jealous, so all I can say is that I’m hurt. Really. Like hell. But, it’s his life. I’ve got nothing to do with it. Kumusta na kaha ang banda? Well, there’s one thing that I’m sure he’s doing great in, and that’s playing in the band. I imagine him having fun while playing—it’s amazing. Maklaro jud nimo nga ga-enjoy jud siya og giganahan siya sa iyang ginabuhat. It’s cool. He’s cool.

Tomorrow’s his birthday. IDK what to expect. Perhaps OA rako kayo if sige ko mag-expect nga there’s going to be something tomorrow. Gapa-importante rajud ko. Labi na sa iya. Sad lang kayo huna-hunaon nga hantod karon, ga-expect pa japon ko sa iya, bisan kabalo ko nga “walang patutunguhan” ang akong sigeg expect. Sakit, pero murag mao nalang galing nah akong gina hawiran—ang mga “estorya nga advance” niya. I know I may sound stupid and naïve, but like what I’ve mentioned earlier, these are the only things nga ako gina hawiran. Mao nalang jud ni akong mahawiran. Hm~ bisan ang mga memories namo sa una, di na nako to sila mahawiran. Nagsabot naman gud mi nga dili nato balikon og kalimtan nato tanan, for the sake of friendship—for PJ’s sake. And perhaps for his, too. I think na-pul-an na jud siya sako. Haha tilan haha I don't really blame him. Abnormal man pod ko oyy. Haha nah see? Sige og katawa~ .....Bitaw, sad kaayo jud, sa akong part. ;( Haaaaayyy~

Amazing kayo kay unconsciously, gaka-inspired ko sa iya. Unconsciously, nahimo nako siya og ginikanan sakong kusog, bitaw? I didn’t realize this until last Tuesday, during sa recollection nako with my classmates sa BA1. WAW. MLIA when I know that he’s around, even though I don’t see him. Actually, I haven’t seen him for more than two weeks now. *sigh* I don’t know if I miss him, but I do hope I can see him--even though I've been hard on myself these past weeks, convincing myself that I shouldn't be seeing him, for my own good. Tomorrow’s his 18th birthday. I want to greet him personally, you know, to be authentic. Haha really I just want an excuse to see him. To see how he is. To see kumusta na iyang buhok. Haha I always wanted to see him with long hair. Curly man gud. Nahan ayo ko. Just like when we first met, taas-taas iya hair ato. I find him attractive jud basa taas iya hair. Though nice japon ayo basta hipos iya hair, mugawas man gud iya pagka-chinito. Murag man gud siyag mo-glow or basta, di nako ma-describe. Pastilan! Murag na nuon kog obsessed. Hm~ WTV. I hope he’s doing well for himself. I pray iyang alagaan iyang scholarship. *sigh*

***

OMGEEEEEEEEE!!!! Today’s the releasing of grades! I hope I get more As! Oh I pray that I don’t have anything below a C. Oh my~ >.< I can do this! Have to be positive and strong. I should be ready for the results. >.< AJA CHIQUI!! xD

~090210thu

What Happened To You?

2010-08-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

Why are you ALWAYS Online? Have you been studying lately? Are you getting enough sleep? How's your band practices? How's your academics? Are your grades doing well? How are you right now?

Oh, Love, please take care of yourself. Your unpredictability is too mind-bugging for my peace of mind. I'm racking my brain with ideas and statements that are fit to describe or express my thoughts and emotions right now, but I'm srsly running out of words~

Please be merciful with my poor heart, Love.

***

So far, my grades are great, especially my English17 Midterm Grade. I thought I was going to get a B- or a B in Math13, but only if I'd studied harder... Anyway, good to know that my computations were correct and that I got a C instead of an F (as oppose to my previous Midterm Grade in Math01 last 2nd Semester of my Freshman year in College as an Accountancy student) in my Math13 Midterm Grade. VERY GOOD! Though at first, I wasn't really satisfied with my grade. But, heck with it, I know my performance. I should be thankful instead, with this blessing from the Lord. And I know that I should strive even more harder than the previous term. Aja! Ah Go Go Go~!!

.,.

An Alternative Universe

2010-08-23T03:29:00.000+08:00

...would be interesting. Especially to someone who's had a tragic experience in her love life and the academics. How harsh life can be. But, like they say, God doesn't throw problems you can't handle.

Novels are working for me. Of course, as well as Manga. I'm enjoying it! Meg Cabot's one of my favorite authors. Ninety percent of her works are in me at heart (except for the pre-teens series).

I sign my discharge papers and head out, a sample packet of Tylenol my only souvenir—Tylenol, that was the best they could do—expecting to see my dad waiting for me in the lobby. But instead of Dad, I find Cooper. In a tux. I almost turn around and check myself back in, considering the way my heart turns over in my chest at the sight of him. Surely that isn’t normal. Surely that’s a sign that my central nervous system needs more fluids, or something. He stands up when he sees me, and smiles. Oh, now, see. Smiles like that should be against the law. Considering what they do to a girl. Well, a girl like me. --Heather Wells, "Size 14 Is Not Fat Either" by Meg Cabot

“Well, you do have a tendency to keep me on my toes.” --Cooper Cartwright, "Size 14 Is Not Fat Either" by Meg Cabot

Often we resort to gallows (of) humor in an effort to break the connection between a horrifying stimulus and an unwanted emotional response. --Sarah, as quoted by Heather, "Size 14 Is Not Fat Either" by Meg Cabot

OH MY GAWD! Dada tagged me in a photo. What a shock!! Hmmm let me see~

(after minutes of laughing)

Oh. It was just a picture of Ya Marc. Pfft! HAHAHA Wearing a formal attire, all serious and amusing. Anyhow, I was stunned and equally shocked to know that he tagged me. Either way, maybe he was just so absorbed in laughing at the photo that he also tagged me in, because he knows that I'd laugh at it, too. The photo was hilarious in every way, no wonder (I think) he felt the need to do that. Tag me, I mean. Well, I'm still and will always be his friend, NO MATTER WHAT. Hm. I think~

I'm practically awake at three thirty in the morning. I've finished deactivating and deleting, Dandan's 2nd FB account. I just have to ask her the password of her 1st FB account in order to delete it, too.

OKAY! Time to cook some rice and be at Bedrock with Ate Ching later. Have to photocopy something, since I didn't had the time of doing so yesterday. Lazy me!

Bye for now! :)

~082310mon

On Going, Huh

2010-08-21T15:37:00.001+08:00

Well, thank goodness I said I was on the process of moving on. And I didn't said "I MOVED ON", coz that ain't true as of the moment. Dang it! I still have it! He's just so dreamy~ Labi nah kaganiha, I saw him with his bandmates. He had sunglasses that made him look like a Hollywood star. Sex appeal. Oh yes he has lots of it alright. LOTS~ Oh mehn! It's like I'm in love all over again. Ooops!! This is no good. Gotta co-o-on-n-n-n-t-t-t-t-tr-r-rol myself... Haha~ Abnormal man tawon ko oyy. Haha~ Tilan. WTV. I think this is just me in DEFENSE-MECHANISM mode. In short, defensive. Hm~

I'm hungry!!! Haven't eaten anything REALLY edible since last night. And it's already late in the afternoon, today.

Awww

2010-08-20T06:06:00.001+08:00

"She sings completely off-key," says Ivan, 38, of his wife, Rachele. "It's so endearing. When she sings in the shower, it's a beautiful, terrible symphony that never fails to make me smile."

"I love her eyes," says Trevor, 46. "Sometimes she looks at me under her lashes and it makes me want to head straight to the bedroom!"

While scanning some stuff at MSN.COM, I stumbled upon an article about "10 Beauty Moves Guys Find Sexy". The statements made (by the husbands and boyfriends) were very sweet and touching. It's so nice. Awww~ :) Wish my future boyfriend and/or husband can say that about me, too. *daydreaming*

~082010fri

TGIF~!!

2010-08-20T05:51:00.000+08:00

Nganong ga ina ana on man ng bola? Luoy kayo.
--Marc Roween De los Reyes (while observing the Aggies Softball team practice at the field)

One of my favorite days--and it's also one hell of a furstrating day. Haha! Well, when I don't know what to do on a Friday, because of my BIG free time, that's when I get furstrated. I don't get to be with Dada (usually) kasi on that day, ambot na daun haa ko padulong. I know it would be a bother to him, pod if I'd contact him or something. If mo pod uli ko, matingala sad si Papa nga sayo ko. Di pa pod ko gusto mo uli og sayo kei. Mei klase or wala, di jud nako feel sayo mo uli. Murag mas ma-enjoy nako ang pag-uli, mas ma-feel nako ang pag-uli basta gabie. Ambot unsay naa sa gabie nga mas gusto man ko mo uli og ana nga time. Chikka! LOL~

Wee I've got lots of downloaded eBooks xD I'm so happy!!! I want to read 'em all, all at once! OMO! Haha~ Can't wait!

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
--"Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse

I'm so excited to buy myself sunglasses! I hope Jovannah's there when I do that. >.< I miss her! And I'm excited to be with my Neechans later this afternoon! OMO! We have lots of things to catch up. Todo todo chikka! Weee~

Okay. GTG! xoxo~

~082010fri

A Proud Me!

2010-08-18T19:48:00.001+08:00

***

*JGS*

naa pjd ipa print c maam

ipass

*momo*

huh? doble na lgr?? kgasto ba anah~

*JGS*

na mbot

tea

tae

*momo*

hahaha xD

wa q kta ng polo xirt ka

*JGS*

lge

ng tago rko ky

balo nka

*momo*

-_-"

tae ka ****

*JGS*

heheh

nka net mn lge ka?

*momo*

d pwd??

oyyy kusog kau ulan

***

*momo*

******************** xDDD

sori sa distorbo

pero

nako GOOD NEWS

xDDDDDDDDDDDDD

*JGS*

smn?

*momo*

hahaha

yaw ka shock ha?

weee

>.<

.....

naka move on nako~!!!!!!

omo ****! hahaha

congratulate me!!

*JGS*

>.< move on sa ?

*momo*

haha guess!!! guess!!

*JGS*

no idea : )

*momo*

roll eyes

haha

ok ok

sa imo!!! hahaha

u ought to be proud of me~!!

aren't u happy?? ^^

*JGS*

-.-

*momo*

this is wat u want ryt??

ok ok...u dnt need to answr tht

hehe

well,dli mn dali ako pg move on..engun pa cla ON GOING pa dw

hahaha

sori sa distorbo ****~ :)

hehe~

*JGS*

hay naku..

*momo*

pfft mo rana emo rxn?

lol

ulit ka ****? senxa f na irita ka hehe^^

*JGS*

*momo*

ok ok FINE..no need to react~

cge2 ..busy pmn tawn ka

God bless sa BCA^^

*JGS*

ok2

Well, a little disappointed with the short answers. Anyway, napahungaw rajud nako, thank goodness~!! I srsly hope I can keep my word~...

I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!! You should congratulate me, Love^^ ~!! Hahaha

~081810wed

I'm Happy

2010-08-18T18:14:00.000+08:00

...that I finally realized that the feelings I have for him these past days were just fragments of the original. I felt my heart eased.

Nakabuntong-hininga ako when I found out that my being in love with him is gradually fading. This is a result of his staying away from me and me pushing myself NOT to see him. I'm glad. So my plan works, huh~ This is good. I really hope this continues. Srsly~

One sign was when I took the first move in FB. Amazing that he responded. When he SUDDENLY took off without warning, I was overwhelmed with myself that I didn't feel anything. Maybe a little disappointment, but it was just minute compared to my previous reactions--I did have strong feelings for him before, but now that I see things clearly, I think I'm actually moving on. MOVING FORWARD. And this is a good sign. SUPER! And for the first time, I'm (also) actually proud of myself. This is a big accomplishment! Redundant much? Haha~

It seems like I don't need a (new) boyfriend after all. Haha. Nice~

~081810wed

Torture

2010-08-18T06:47:00.001+08:00

Even though criminals themselves violate Human Rights, hindi rin dapat sila pagkaitan ng karapatang ito. The accused is STILL a person, just like anybody else. The law would defeat its purpose.

What I saw earlier in a morning program was incredibly inhumane. The video presented in the program depicted injustice and all the wrong. It was a sight I can never forget. I can't even begin to describe how the person was tortured. It was gravely horrible. I pray justice.

That video will give the world a shock. I'm sure the Philippines will have a very AMAZING reputation to that (sarcastic mode).

~081810wed

Mutualism

2010-08-17T07:49:00.000+08:00

Please, Love, don't promise me anything. You know mag-expect jud ko. And it'll hurt me like hell if you break it. I'll end up hangin', AGAIN. And brokenhearted. How sad. WTV.

You make the first move on approaching me. Then you make the first move on dumping me?! Leaving me hangin, AGAIN?? Why are you doing this to me?! I know I know I'm sorry. I shouldn't be blaming you. I'm doing this stupid miscalculations thats leading me to misery. A misery I created myself. Pathetic. You ALWAYS make me go crazy. No. Wrong. I make myself go crazy on some hopeless future with you. I know I shouldn't expect. I'm sorry. But your actions, they're driving me nuts.

STOP. FEEL. LISTEN.

Chiqui~ stop this. You'll get yourself nowhere. Ikaw ang luoy in the end.

~081710tue

2am - 2pm

2010-08-17T07:16:00.000+08:00

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "
1 John 4:18

I was with Dandan yesterday (last Saturday). :) Gawd! She's even more stunning now! No! Wrong! She's getting even more beautiful every time I see her. Gaka-gwapa, gaka-salad!! Pastilan! Mag-basol man jud Dada bah. If he only had the courage to pursue her. *sigh*

Anyhow, we had a great day. Though ang main nga gasto ky sa plite haha. Bisan haa nami na lagpot nah. Haha. Being with her completely made me, Me. :) Thanks, dan!

***

Below is an excerpt from one of my old blogs.

Haha! Crazy right? Gawd! Ever since I got to High School, I've been very OA! Totally! Haha! This is hell of an embarassing poetry-something. Paka-ulaw SUPERRR!

when u walk

u talk
u laugh
u smile
u frown
when i see ur back
when i see ur face
u make me wanna embrace this little feeling of mine
u make me wanna know u more
but with little time and little ways
i can’t and i can never have u alone
ur too far away for me to reach
call me a perv
call me crazy
call me stubborn
call me anything u want
coz if it’s u
it’s okay
coz ur worth a second look
my dear
coz it’s always been u
u who worked up my mind
u who got me trippin’
u who made my heart fly
u who made me wonder
what it feels like to love again

*BOW

hah! no way in hell that i’m gonna love someone right now. my grades are in jeopardy! how crazy am i anyway?! guess u can never choose who to side with. *my stupid grammar and me*

this is what crazy people do when they like someone. they get all dramatic, obsessed, poetic and suprrr PATHETiC. shtupiiid.

~081510sun

Friday the 13th

2010-08-13T10:36:00.001+08:00

hide me from love

My heart contracted at the sight of him. And he only made it worse when he flashed me that handsome smile of his, that seemed to reach his eyes (with a tint of menacing stare and which also seemed genuine and sincere--I think). I never expected that meeting, really. To my dismay, I had no choice but to confront the man who made my heart and my world crazy, since his movements signaled that I should meet him half way (wtv).

It was instinct that told me to approach him, too. But I never thought that he'd be smiling THAT big. Not a grin, but a smile--a GENUINE one. Well, it seemed genuine to me though. He was with his friends. Amazing kayo kay puros hitsuraan ang ga-uban. Haha. Napaka-cute! Anyway, we were awkward towards each other. I don't really need to see him, but the meeting was inevitable since they had the same exam schedule with my sister. I should've asked her for the details. Ugh! I stumbled with words that I didn't realize that were actually coming out of my mouth. Amazing how his mere presence can crumble my composure. But, I didn't falter. Well, not so much. When he told me that I should go and study for my exam, I quickly (and distractingly) agreed. I didn't dared to argue anymore, which was perhaps what he thought I was about to do, since I'm USUALLY like that. You know, like trying to contradict him all the time. *sigh* Anyhow, so I went and bid "goodbye" with a quick touch on his wrist. He didn't give much of an eye contact though, throughout our small (talk) conversation. But, if he'd make eye contact, it was, as far as I can tell, pinugos nga eye contact. Haha. I was about to ask why he couldn't look me straight in the eye (or in the face, probably), kun basin naa ba pud hugaw ako face. But, I brush the thought away. It was useless and it was just another small talk. Psh~

WTV. After that unexpected encounter with Apollo, I headed straight the classroom. In a daze. Still dreaming. Still remembering the way he reacted , the way his expression change and the way he smiled. *sigh* Pathetic. I'm so pathetic. I was so smugged! Gawd! I hate myself. Sheesh~ If I had known, I wouldn't pass there in the first place. If I had known, I should have went earlier so that I couldn't catch 'em (him) there by-standing.

Damn! I love him! And I hate it~ Na-wagtang jud ako plano nga dili siya makita for one week para ma-testing kun haa ko taman. Preparation sad ni sako pagbalhin. Malas jud ang Friday the 13th.

~081310fri

My One-Week Test

2010-08-12T20:49:00.000+08:00

I'm testing my limits. Haa kaha ko taman? This will be a challenge.

~081210thu

Kirai Desu !!

2010-08-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

scientific calculating machine ;)

Blogging keeps my sanity alive. FYI: Dada kirai desu!! And I'm doing my best to keep it at that.

Weeh! Ma and I bought a NEW scientific calculator in place of my miserably cheap one. Oops, I think I should state it completely: a Scientific Calculating Machine pala haha. As quoted by my ever bold and awesome Math13 instructor, Sir Pia. :) His gay, BTW and my classmates and I LOVE him so much! He's just so hilarious, witty, smart (in every way) and he easily gets to the mood of the students--which makes teaching as easy as pie. Anyhow, I pray that we'd all pass the exam or if not, ACE IT!!!

~081010tue

Damn! I fell for it AGAIN!!

2010-08-09T17:47:00.003+08:00

*momo*

God bless sa exams, **** :)

*JGS*

[Sumo ba kau! I have a NAME!! A NAME!!]

aha ka

[Sige pangutana! Unya kun mahibaw an nimo kun haa ko? Unsa man daun?]

*momo*

naa ofis

lol reha ra jpn emo gpangutana atong fri

[Tukar sad akong pagka-OA. Luoda nako oii!!]

*JGS*

ala ka exm krn ?

[Small talk napud?! Obvious man tingale. Nag-Net gud ko.]

mg out nko liz

[Labot ko? Himala sad hah? Nagpahibalo ka.]

*momo*

4pm pa

[Tukar sab akong pagka-GAGA!!]

*JGS*

mizu

[BAKAKON.]

amping prme

[ESTORYAHE~!!]

kaon bya

[Pa-concern2 effect pajud! Naa kay mahimo if di ko mo-kaon?]

This is an example of me falling for a trap. How pathetic. I'm so miserable, I want to demolish this wall!! Sunod, yaw nag-chat hah? Labi na if mo-chat lang ka kun wa kay lingaw og kun wa nakay laing mabuhat. Maka-sakit man gud ka, bisan pag mo ingon kag wala nimo gi-tuyo---

Thank goodness wala na-apektuhan ako pag-take sa exam ganiha sa English17. And THANK YOU, LORD, nakabayad ra on time ako manhud! THANK YOU, LORD!!

***

This is going to be contradicting to what I just typed above. But, WTV.

I hope my hatred at this moment won't pass, because everytime I see you, I forget every bit of anger and pain I've been keeping every damn day (or every time there's something new to hate about--concerning you). I hate how your very presence (and even a thought of you) influence me so much. You're an incredibly insensitive, inconsiderate, stupid boy!! I hate everything that you are!!!------*sigh* But, then again, I love you. I'm so obsessed, I want to die (well, just an expression, I wouldn't go that far just for a guy. I still have little pride left you know). Well, NOT really obsessed. Hm. I'm not blaming you, Love. Srsly. But the point is...IDK. WTH I don't care anymore. *sigh* Might as well indulge in one of my self-pity sessions. Me and my overwhelming emotions, stirred up with stress. *sigh*

***

I think my English17 exam was okay. Apart from my erasures, I think it was good. Hm~ This is for me and my Ma&Pa. :)

~080910mon

MIDTERMS

2010-08-09T05:17:00.000+08:00

I'm preparing myself for the Mid-Term Exams. So far, I'm okay. Kind of. Anyway, it's a good thing there are alternatives at home. The WWW is so useful in building my mood. Pangpagana! Just an excuse to keep my sanity, really. Well, off to study. :)

MIDTERM EXAM SCHEDULE

MONDAY

English17 BE 4:00pm – 5:00pm A605

TUESDAY

(No Exam)

WEDNESDAY

History BC 7:30am – 8:30am StC307

THURSDAY

Economics21.1 BC 12:30pm – 1:30pm StC401

BA1 E 6:20pm – 7:20pm SC3

FRIDAY

Philiosophy01 BA 8:40am – 9:40am StC602

Political Science10.1 BE 12:30pm – 1:30pm SC3

Math13 (I forgot the Section) 4:00pm – 5:00pm (I forgot the Rm#)

GOD BLESS US ALL!! AJA ATENEANS!!

~080910mon

Blame

2010-08-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

a blooming friendship

I don't blame you for what's happening to me right now--emotionally. I won't try to complain. I understand you perfectly well.

We had a chat. You started it of course. I wouldn't want to dare to start a conversation with you over the WWW, except if it's REALLY, REALLY important or urgent. I'm afraid of rejection, you see. I'm scared that you'd treat my message or gesture irrelevant and you'd consider ignoring my message or me. I might get depressed again for such a little thing as this. Anyway, so you took the first move. Small talk, huh. You were always good at small talks. That makes you so You. Hm. Anyhow, the chat ended shortly. Without a word of "bye", you went out. Signed out. WTV. I was, again, dismayed by your apparent lack of telling beforehand that you're about to log off. WTV. You were never really good at partings and goodbyes and stuff. We both hated that. Hm~ You seem to make me believe (in our little chat), that you were genuinely concerned over my health which involved my eating habits, since I admitted that I didn't got to eat lunch. You even apologized or seemed to apologize with the fact that you dili na jud kau ka gapa-load, which would make me assume that you're more apologizing for the fact that you can't text me or contact me or that you can't respond to any of my messages. Why would you even say "sorry"? 'Cause you've given me trouble of not responding to my texts? Well mister, you've given me a whole lot of trouble more than you know. But, it doesn't matter--to you anyways. Like I've already mentioned, I'm NOT blaming you. I won't.

Peace, Love.

The hair-tie on the photo above was bought @ Divisoria in the Night Market. I was with Jovannah that time AND we had fun. She's a very nice person and I can say that she's a keeper. I enjoyed her company. Her boyfriend's lucky to have her. :)

~080610fri

Oh I Felt It Alright

2010-08-06T14:54:00.000+08:00

doing my best to hide the pain *char*

I denied the evidence. The proof was already laid out for me and all I had to do was accept it. But I wouldn't--I couldn't. I was just so hurt and way too in-pain to get through it. I cowardly turned away. I did not dared to face the obvious fact that YOU are slowly getting me out of your life.

NOW. Kabalo nako kanus-a ang "enough is enough" and that would be today. Though of course, I'm still planning to give him a birthday present, if my budget permits. *sigh* Anyway, so yeah, obvious najud ayo nga he wants me out. Okay, I understand, Love. I do. So I'm out-----

IDK~

~080610fri

2010-08-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

procrastination dragged me in along with vanity

SAKIT KAAYO. I'm terribly hurt right now. So in pain. I'm like pathetically crying inside. I can't stop it. Good thing naa ko sa sala karon, di rako ka-patuyang og drama-drama, naa man pod sila Tsinna og Ate. I'm practically screaming right now--in my head--typing this post. This hurts more than finding out that LA two-timed me and worse than my knowing that I can't proceed on the Accountancy program--though I kind of anticipated the latter. I feel the need to punch my chest. Literally. REALLY.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!! Can someone show me my future boyfriend? Or if not, my future fling or wtv?? Like, right now?!

I'm about to rant more, but I still have class tomorrow and tons of homework left undone. *grunts*

~080210mon

"God Gave Me You"

2010-08-02T08:53:00.001+08:00

God Gave Me You by Bryan White

For all times I felt cheated, I complained

You know how I love to complain

For all the wrongs I repeated, though I was to blame

I still cursed that rain

I didn't have a prayer, didn't have a clue

Then out of the blue

God gave me you to show me what's real

There's more to life than just how I feel

And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes

And all that I live for though I didn't know why

Now I do, 'cause God gave me you

For all the times I wore my self pity like a favorite shirt

All wrapped up in that hurt

For every glass I saw, I saw half empty

Now it over flows like a river through my soul

From every doubt I had, I'm finally free

And I truly believe

God gave me you to show me what's real

There's more to life than just how I feel

And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes

And all that I live for though I didn't know why

Now I do, 'cause God gave me you

In your arms I'm someone new

With every tender kiss from you

I must confess, I've been blessed

God gave me you to show me what's real

There's more to life than just how I feel

And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for though I didn't know why

Now I do, 'cause God gave me you

God gave me you

I just love this song. Thanks to my friend, Christine, I got to love this song. :) So emotional and sweet.

~080210mon

A Disheartening Fact

2010-08-01T15:43:00.000+08:00

...that you prefer anything or anyone, over me.

He's ONLINE. Right. Now. He isn't interested in having a conversation with me. No attempt from him. Not one sign. Nada~ He isn't interested in anything about me. He isn't. I'm hurt. It's very sad--for my part. Well, life goes on. Just have to face the fact that there was never a "we" nor "us", but just You and Me.

Still and will always love him despite of this.

Gotta work now. *sigh*

~080110sun

A Contradiction

2010-07-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

...between you and me, I prefer you. But honestly? It would've been better to choose, ME. It would be the wisest choice, so far.

This week may be called ~~good~~--despite the fact that my insecurities and his being apathetic ruined my mood for the entire week--since I was with Jov last Friday. It was a shame that we couldn't have the time to ourselves 'cause she has to go home. She didn't really asked permission from her Ma, man gud, so naputol amo kalipay. Tilan oi, daghan na kau mig na chikka nah. Hm! Gilang-gilang, nagsabot naman mi next time! BUT, as I was about to call it a week, later this afternoon, I found out that Mr. Ubaub's in the hospital. I wish I could be with Dandan right now. I pray for Mr. Ubaub's fast recovery. I pray for Dandan's strength. *sigh* I miss her.

"Viva San Ignacio!"

My "other" phone's KIND OF OKAY nah. Hm. So, I get to use it. But not really that much. Ugh! Stupid China Phones!!

~073110sat

step three

2010-07-30T03:20:00.000+08:00

http://www.mangafox.com/manga/hiyokoi/v01/c003/27.html

untitled

2010-07-30T03:09:00.000+08:00

I hate it when I cry because of how pathetic I am. ~Hiyorin of "Hiyokoi"

2am. I'm drunk with misery right now. My symptoms are:

wildly lip-syncing heartbreak songs
blogging way too much
still wide awake at dawn
wearing ONLY my towel (practically naked)
teary-eyed
so emotionally unstable
in a state of delusion
pathetic

I really need a ~~boyfriend~~ right now. Damn.

PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA! XOXO LOVE U MUCH MUCH xD

~071030fri

Please don't deny me, Love.

2010-07-30T02:43:00.001+08:00

If you don't like this, then say it! Be man enough to tell it to my face. Don't just go around ignoring me and be all apathetic and distant. That won't do any good. Please don't make me hate you (though we both know you'd like that).

Don't try to understand me. Just FEEL me.

Pathetic.

"Somebody in your life who may not be deserving of your time or energy at first glance is sourly misunderstood by you today."

According to my Chinese horoscope, the above statement will happen to me. This is an awfully true forecast. I just experienced it last night. Honestly though, I had this same situation before--repeated and repeated--involving the same person as last night. I might as well be on my way.

Then here comes this horoscope:

"You'll gain both positive and negative attention if you tweak your personal look or style today. Life is trying to offer you an opportunity to travel and love is attempting to hand you the adventure you've been waiting for. Take chances and press your luck in the evening hours. Be persistent when you find what you want."

Two events are going to happen tomorrow. The campus-wide General Assembly at my school's gymnasium and my dear Ma's 40th birthday. Obviously, I'm going home early for my Ma's birthday celebration. She's my Ma, for Pete's sake. If I couldn't attend the GA, all well and good. I just have to think of a way to be busy until it's 5:30pm or something, before I go home. I don't want to see him.

I'm frankly disappointed right now--VERY in dismay. I expected too much from him. I know I shouldn't. WTV. I'm still mad. I wish I can hold grudges for a very, very long time and never forgive. Gah!

BTW. I have a new favorite song. ^^ It's called "God Gave Me You" by Brian White. The song's kind of the Religious type, but it's still romantic all the same. I love it. It perks me up at the same time it saddens me. I'm loving (again) The Veronicas' "Speechless", "Revenge is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were)" and "When it All Falls Apart". Igo sad ko sa gi-suggest nga song ni Dandan, entitled "Almost" by Tamia. Pastilan ning mga kantaha. Ma-emo man sad ta ani kadugayan. Haha.

PS: the horoscopes are from Yahoo!

~072910thu

The Finale

2010-07-28T21:35:00.002+08:00

I will always have the final say. ALWAYS.

I have come to the late realization that I am NOT in love to (NOTE: I don't use "with" here) him. BUT, I do love him, as a caring and loving friend of course. Please don't confuse this "loving" or "love" with being in love to someone, because I take it to my situation that the said term--that is, "love"--is of another definition entirely different to the "love" couples share. Anyway, like I typed, I've come to realize that the reason why I'm feeling this way towards this certain person, is that perhaps I'm infatuated with him. But, yes of course, I do love him (as a friend), but again, I repeat that it is entirely different with my being infatuated or my liking him, as a separate notion to the love I have for him as a friend. Gets?? Pasenxa if murag nagtuyok-tuyok akong ideas. I just want emphasis.

During the XUPF meeting, while the facilitators were trying to manage my co-members, I busied myself looking outside the windows. Gazing at the variously decorated houses below. The meeting was held at the 5th room of the 6th floor of the Student Center building.

Marami ka palang na-re-reyalys kapag wala ka sa comfort zone mo.

I gathered he might be enjoying his days at school without me. And I'm sure he has lots of other concerns and I know I am NOT one of it. Sadly, this is the reality I have to deal with every single damn day. But, wtv. I have my busy schedule, my work, my Anime, my Mangas, my novels, my TV series, my DVDs, my Dandan =), my loyal pillows ;D, my beloved clothes, my nail polish, my blogs/journals/diaries, my family and the Lord. I think that's more than enough that an average person can have.

OK. OK. It has been two days since I've seen him and went home with him after PE dismissal. I'll just have to keep this pace (and hopefully go to the next level) so that ma-anad ko nga di mi mag-uban; nga ma-anad ko nga wala siya.
Honestly, I really want to be with him.
Srsly. It's heart-churning and mind-bugging every time I go out the campus without him. Or wander around my free time in school and he's not with me. It's heartbreaking. Really. Sad but true. And that's the reality I have to cope up with every day. Every damn day.

I'm annoyed with the fact that my blogs and 75% of my posts are all about him. And not even a 1% guarantee that he might possibly think of me, too. Sigh~

~072810wed

House of Bunny

2010-07-27T22:39:00.001+08:00

Me and my stupid insecurities are dragging me into the pits of solitary confusion. Making me hysterical and so out-of-place. I'm way too hard on myself. Gamay rajud ako pagtan aw sako self. And I know I'm insulting the Lord, for being like this. ~~Why can't I just love me??~~

Acceptance. That's what I need. I need to accept myself--of who I am and what I am. I need to open my mind (well, more like WIDEN) that flaws are natural and it's what makes me, Chiqui. A mix of my kapangitan and good sides make me unique. This takes me apart from anybody. And this hinders me to love. To ACTUALLY love. Because if I can't love myself first (like TOTALLY accept myself), then it'll be impossible for me to actually love someone. It'll turn out, in the end, that I am NOT good enough for no one. This, in turn, will give way to my insecurities. They'll go sky high!

Just like kanina sa school. I was seriously confused if I'd wait for him or not. So I weighted the stuff:

WAIT FOR HIM

He'll think I'm OVERLY eager to be with him.
He'll think that I'm way too selfish and too clingy, di raba jud mi uyab.
He'll think that I'm head-over-heels in love. (Hm. Which may be true. I think.)
He'll think that SUMO na kaaaaaayo ko. SUPER.
He'll think that I'm MONOPOLIZING him.
He'll think that I'm a good friend. (Yeah right)
He'll think that I really care for him and that he matters to me, A LOT.
He'll think that my stupid protectiveness for him is TOTALLY out-of-place.
He'll be happy when he sees me.
He'll get irritated and frustrated when he sees me. (He'll probably avoid me. Though I don't really think he's that kind of person. He stands up for something and he holds on to it. He's a man of his words. NOT! He doesn't keep his end of the bargain, usually.)
He'll feel secured when he sees me waiting for him. He might feel relieved that I'm waiting for him, because he might be looking for me wondering where in the hell I might be. He might feel a certain peace inside him if he sees me and knows that everything will be fine because I'm there and that he wouldn't need to worry about me. (WTV. As if this will happen.)

GO HOME ALREADY! DON'T WAIT FOR HIM.

He'll feel relieved now that I went home ahead of him.
He'll be happy if he doesn't see me or go home with me or be with me.
He'll enjoy the rest of the afternoon/night with his friends because I'm not around and I'm not there to bother him and that he doesn't need to think of an extra baggage (which is me).
He'll feel sad or dismayed when he notices that I already went home.
He'll miss me, since it's the only time we get to see each other and talk about our individual encounters during class or inside the campus.
He'll have no one to walk with out of the gate.
No one will accompany him.
He can't eat my siomai.
He'll be alone. I'll be alone.
He'll get mad or disappointed with me for not waiting for him.
He'll have to keep up with the fact that I'm not going to be around anymore. (Especially when I move to another school. WHY AM I INCLUDING THIS RIDICULOUS TOPIC?? I feel like crying~)
He'll feel better if we're not together.

...I think that most of my statements here are very harsh. IDK. Well, these are all possibilities.

Bye for now. Have an appointment with Dreamland. Sweet dreams. I hope I dream of you tonight~

~072710tue

Badminton

2010-07-26T06:10:00.000+08:00

Most of the time, you never show up. You never keep up to the bargain. It hurts my heart (and my ego) that you put me last in line. But, who am I to question that? Hm.

Walay pulos magsabot kay di japon ka mutunga, bisan unsaon pagsayo og engun or sabot, wa japon pulos kay di ka ga-tuman sa sabot. Either malimtan or wa lang jud kay paki-alam. Unhon pa ang ika-duha or ika-tulong appointment, bisan obvious kaayo nga dugay nako nakipagsabot sa imo. But, srsly, it would be really nice that we could go there together. I'd be really happy. I really want to play with you. But, really, if you don't want to just tell it to my face and DON'T give me excuses. I so hate liars.

~072510sun

People make life unfair and unjust. Even though they know it's OBVIOUSLY wrong, they still keep up with their stupid notions and ridiculous statements. How bad.

Ugh! The next time I'm going to watch a horror movie, I'm NOT going to do it at night. Damn! I can't sleep straight and I wake up late! Damn!

I enjoy working. A lot. Sometimes I want to do it MORE than my schoolwork.

~072610mon

Go Die!!

2010-07-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

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This is ridiculous! WTH! Multiply's getting crazy, too. This is so bogus! Damn it!!!

I Blind Me

2010-07-24T21:33:00.000+08:00

My emotions blinded me from the obvious fact that you love someone else. And I end up writhing in pain, realizing this. Pathetic me. I just hope that I'm wrong.

I don’t regret meeting (knowing) you. I regret falling. ‘Coz this intangible phenomena (love) makes me weak, especially when I notice something wrong. Though this "love" makes me strong every time something good turns up. Still, this "love" drives me crazy. Maybe I’m just infatuated—proof of my immaturity. But, I’m still growing. You’ll see an updated version of me. Soon.

Selfishness. Being selfish, as we all know, is wrong. But in my opinion, it's also a way to show or make the other person feel that he/she matters to you. That he/she is both important and very special to you. That he/she is PRECIOUS. And this is also another excuse of defending myself for being overprotective of you. [Defensive Mode]

I'm selfish 'coz u matter to me. And I'm sorry.

***

I got a text message from my Love, Dandan. Unfortunately, we can't be together right now 'coz Ma's giving me tons of work. Srsly. IDK if imma get this done by Monday. Hopefully, my sister, Tsinna would help me. She is, like super lazy. SUPER. We both are, actually. But I'm more responsible. Hehe. ;D Anyway, I can't wait to see Dandan's new hair. I'm excited as hell! xD GAWD I miss her so much!! It's been ages since we've been together. Our crazy schedules are forbidding us to hangout. I hate it. Wish we could see each other. Like on a regular basis. :'( I srsly miss her. Hm~

~072410sat

Efforts

2010-07-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

You are a liar. Your petty excuses won't work on me. Not anymore. A little effort would have been enough. You know that. But, you still ignore me for the fact that I'm just a stray cat. For you, a little milk here and there is enough to feed my overwhelming hunger. I am now seething with anger.

Why do I always turn things the negative way? Why do in everything that you do, everything that you say, I keep taking it the wrong way? Why am I so possessive of you, that you're not even mine?

I know. Stupid, right? I really need to move away. Srsly, I have to. It's my other alternative besides getting a boyfriend. That way, I might forget about my strong affection for him and my great desire to be his. Not that it's my number one reason for agreeing to move to another school. But then, I realized that the very thought of being far from him--not seeing him everyday--tormented me. It's like I'm writhing in pain. It hurts. Painful. And I hate it. It just so happened that I'm the kind of person who gives love so greatly.

My interview with the STRAW people where ok. Actually, it was cool. They asked me a lot of different questions. Most were unrelated to the org. They asked me what Love is in my opinion. "Love is easy to give. It's unbearable. Etc..." I forgot to add that Love is selfless. When you love someone, you unconsciously think about the other person's being--his/her welfare. You worry about that person and you, again, unconsciously place him/her in one of your top priorities--even though the feeling isn't mutal. And that's just sad. But an unrequited love, for me, is hard. It may be called brave love, 'cause you need courage and sweet determination to do just that. And that is to love--selflessly.

Ok. I was suppose to tell him my dream last night. It was about him and me. But unfortunately, we weren't able to see each other because of the harsh rain.

~072310fri

A Little More...

2010-07-22T21:35:00.002+08:00

...and I'm in. A little more and I'd be enveloped with the fact of our friendship. A little more and I can be as comfortable with you, as before--before I realized that you mattered. To me, that is. A little more and I'm going to be fine. A little more and I'd have the ability to ignore your PRESENCE (aware naman gud ko semu, mao ng naa pa jpon hantud kron ang akong pagka-ilang semu). DEFENSIVE MODE.

:) Seriously smiling right now. Really. Haha.

If money wasn't the problem here, then right now, I should've been in a dorm in Iligan. Chatting with my roommate or preparing for the Midterms and currently attending classes in MSU-IIT. Or, possibly in UP or the College of St. Benilde. Hm. Money can get you far, srsly. But, it doesn't really mean it'll help. Well, wtv. Lots money has lots of advantage, you know (despite the fact that TOO MUCH money can make a person greedy. VERY GREEDY and well, you know where that leads).

lovealwaysgretchen.tumblr.com

So. I was happy when my lil' sis told me that I look good when I wear my hair up. :) Such an accomplishment. Napaka-cute!~

I so love Tamia's "Almost". Thanks, Dearie. =)

Anyway, recalling back to my previous post...hmm I think a fling would be good. Instead of having a relationship. Especially this time. Hm. I wouldn't mind if...okay wtv. 'Nuf 'bout that. I'm getting bored nah AND sleepy. Oyasumi~ Zzz

9851) When I see you with your ex, my heart sinks. There really is still something there. I can't take it anymore--watching it happen. I'm just afraid of losing you. It tears me.
-- revised by yours truly, source:theblogyoulove.tumblr.com

PS. The photo above isn't mine. The link/source is located under the said image. TY.
~072210thu

Initiative

2010-07-20T05:57:00.000+08:00

Take the initiative to have your COMMON SENSE fixed. Ugh! Between you and me, I thought YOU were the more rational person. I guess I was wrong.

I really need to have a boyfriend. Srsly. I can't depend on him. Not anymore. IDK. Maybe this is just me trying to be important. Gapa-importante. Hm. I'm so stupid. >.<

~072010tue

Out-of-Place Kindness

2010-07-16T22:26:00.000+08:00

...so he says.
Don't even think of comparing me with your women. I have my own identity. You'll just have to deal with that.

So you say, THEY're better than me. You say, you're REGRETTING the fact that you're with me and not with any of them.

The happiest feeling EVER is knowing that he could be with any other girl in the entire world, but he chooses to be with you.

...why wouldn't he choose me? As if he'd have any choice. Ako raman gud ang madalidali niya og duol (sa karon). Ako raman gud pod ang gaduol sa iyaha og kugi (duh! I love him kaya! ew I sound gross). Ako raman pod ang gaduol (dili siya). Sakit? Obvious kaya! Hm.

Monotonous moments are okay. Atleast I don't get to over analyze what's happening around me 'coz I'm getting immune and therefore I won't get to think about those moments. To that case, I won't get hurt. Well, more like, I'm training myself to be numb--to be able to numb my abstract pain receptors (if you know what I mean). Train myself to be less vulnerable. Train myself to be apathetic. (my ideas are like, going in circles here)

~071610fri

I Enjoy Studying

2010-07-15T04:56:00.000+08:00

...after years of being in school and attending classes, I've finally realized that I do really enjoy studying. Especially, when I'm with a goal.

I really REALLY hate to say (type) this and it may sound like a rewind, but ~~I'm loving (I love) him even more each day~~, despite the complications between us; despite the fact that he treats me like his own spoiled younger sister; despite the fact that he USUALLY treats me as his mere companion and NOT as his friend; and despite the fact that I'm gradually discovering (noticing) his flaws--which makes him SO him.

But honestly, I HATE how much I love him (SUPER). I can't stand how pathetic I am, knowing it's true (knowing that I'm just a tool) even though THE SIGNS are right in front of me. How many times did he left me?? It's just too much for me to admit that he's NOT JUST IN TO ME, you know, EVER. Though, I already accepted that fact, it still--seriously--hurts like hell.

I hope when the time comes that I've fairly moved on, I pray that I may NEVER see you again. And when that day comes, you'll regret my leaving. I just hope it comes soon. 'Coz every damn day is a painfully sweet one. If you know what I mean.

Nako naman! Talagang nakakasawa ka na. Naiirita na ako (kami) sa'yo. Lage nalang may drama sa buhay. 'Di ba pwedeng maging independent ka naman minsan? Kaya mo naman 'yan.

PS. Three people said they liked my shirt. Yay! ;D

~071410wed

Preliminary Exams

2010-07-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

Oh, I knew something like this would happen. I just wasn't THAT prepared. I don't want to. Get me?

I hate Prelims. Such a nuisance. Argh! WTV. Gonna have to get on with it.

Waw. Honestly speaking, I got pretty hurt when he mentioned his memory with her. Really hurt. Badly. Of course, I didn't let it show coz it was so out-of-the-question to be jealous or hurt for that matter. Anyway, I didn't really mind. They are both my best friends and more importantly, they are as equally precious as my family to me. I love them both. And if my stupid-ly placed emotions would hinder our friendship, then better yet forget about him. Or be as numb as I was before (in my senior year in High School). THAT would be better.

'Nuf 'bout this. I'm getting pathetic napod.

~071310tue

A Heart Disease...

2010-07-13T08:11:00.001+08:00

...that's called You. And it's pathetically driving me crazy. It's hard to cure. BUT, I'm going to end it. Atleast, I'm trying to.

I was half expecting to see him there. I was really hoping that the next time I come to my PE class, he isn't at the entrance, ga-atang sa mga mo-gawas sa SS building. I mean, it's NOT that I don't WANT him there, but, you know, it's kind of part of my contingency plan to avoid him, like for a WHOLE WEEK, so as to see how would I do, and so as to test if he'd really MAKE AN EFFORT with me. I mean, NOT in the romantic way, like courting or wtv, coz we both know that's IMPOSSIBLE. What I'm trying to say is if he'd make an effort of being with me, like friends and everything. If he'd make an effort of seeing me. You know, just like he's making an effort of seeing his band mates--not that he's doing a good job, though. Anyway, so yeah, he was there, looking at me--more like staring--getting out of the SS building, entering the CCs. I was really confused on what to do. WHERE to go. I kept on looking at him and back to the bleachers where my block mates are seated. Finally, I decided to approach him. LOVE won over. WOOHOO! Yeah right. (Defensive mode) I just went there, coz he was like alone. Nag-inusara kun baga. And he was like really staring at me. His gaze was pretty intense. And by intense, I mean, he's almost devouring me, ALIVE. HAHA. OK. So my plan didn't work that much. Especially when something happened. We were like fighting/laughing/enjoying ourselves like we were grade-schoolers/ga ungit-ungit sa kada usa...when suddenly, he did something to me. He was practically gazing down on me when suddenly his face brightened up, like there were a thousand lighting bulbs switching on at the same time. It was like heaven! I mean, it's like there were flowers all over his face, and his face actually glowed. In a good way though. It was like, argh I can't even explain it. His presence/aura at that moment can't be described by simple words. I was strucked. Starstrucked. He was amazing. As I remember it, I quickly looked the other way to avoid his bright gaze. I almost felt myself blush. Or did I? Oh my. If I did blushed, I hope he didn' notice. Oh my~ Pathetic much?

On our way out, we were constantly arguing about me going to the Cathedral (mag-kandila). He told me that I can do that tomorrow coz the rain's going to fall hard by the time I get to the church. But of course, heard-headed as I am, I opposed him. But after a while I gave in. BUT, I forgot that I was suppose to walk home. So, I told him that I'm suppose to walk home coz I don't have money for my fare coz Ma practically gave me 15pesos. JUST 15PESOS. "...dkjfhsdkl masuko..." (I forgot the exact words.) He got mad--naturally. To my dismay, after a long subtle argument, he walked away. "...tsk bahala naka oi." I was...I didn't know what or how to feel. Nor what to say. I just stared at his back. I wanted to go after him, but I know it was no use. What am I gonna say? OK OK mosakay nako. Dawaton na nako ang singko. But, I have my pride. And it wasn't like I was going to die in the rain while walking home. And besides, I already planned this. The walking home, I mean. OK. SIGH~ I unstrapped my umbrella. Getting ready to lumusong sa ulan when suddenly, he came back. Still, mad. It was a silent fight. wtv. I accepted the 5pesos. End of story. HAHA. What am I laughing for? He even pushed me--PUSHED ME HARD--to the motorela. Hmpf how rude. But, that's just so him. He's always like that. To me anyways.

OK. 'Nuf 'bout this. Gotta study now. Have a Math test later. I'm excited of the result. NOT.

~071210mon

Pink

2010-07-13T06:28:00.000+08:00

I've finally made my decision. And this decision is final. I say "YES" to change and "NO" to constant blabble and constant heartache. And I'm SUPER DUPER firm about it.

Hm. I made up my mind to transfer to another course. Accountancy. That's what my Mama wants. But, I want it, too (more like I learned to want/love it). Anyway, I'm fairly determined about it. And I'm NOT staying at Xavier University, anymore. I'm going to transfer to another school, too. It will be a huge change for me, but I know I can do this. DISH ISH IT!

Anyway, whatever Ma decides, I'm with that. It's easier that way. No arguments. Though, of course, I give opinions, too, 'coz you know, I'm the major person involved. Though, I make it to a point that she gets what she wants. Still, it's MY decision. And it's not like she wants me harmed. Of course, mothers know best. :)

Honestly, my being firm was because of Dada. He urged me into this. Well, more likely, I urged myself into this beceause I got really hurt and really affected with our situation right now. The first time I told him, was through a text message I sent him. I was surprised he replied. He even used his mother's cellphone. And his Ma's phone is Sun Cellular. Mine's Smart Buddy. Hm~ He told (text) me NOT to agree with Ma. He told (text) me NOT to transfer. A few days later, he told (in person) me to just choose the closest school. I suggested, Lourdes, "of course" he (supposedly) agreed. He said it was nearer to the church (since he noticed I frequently do the mag-kandila). I was hoping he'd reasoned out something like "...coz you'd be nearer to me..." But I suppose that wouldn't happen. Never in a million years. But, I can dream. Well, continue dreaming, girl. OKAY! Back to the present. Hm~ I wasn't going to pay attention to that, BUT. These past days, I've noticed things were different with him, with us. Of course, I would notice it VERY much since we're close. Not that, I totally know him, but it's enough. Anyway, with the way he treats me... The way things are between us... it's just impossible for me now, to be in the same school as him. You how things are when you both had something in the past, though it was already over, you can never fathom to perish the thought of it. Though it was just for a brief moment, you had held it in your memory so tightly, like it was the only thing keeping you alive (like oxygen to the lungs), that you don't ever want to let go. EVER. Even though, it isn't really THAT real. Wait. I'm getting out of the topic. Sorry. Well, anyway...so that's that. In short, wa nako gi angayan sa iyang pag-treat sa ako. And I don't want THAT as a hindrance to my daily activities. I get easily distracted and it's ALWAYS hard for me to get in track once I start to get out-of-focus.

Ka daghan bah sa bulakbulak. Straight to the point, PLEASE.

Binigyan niya ako ng sapat na dahilan para umalis ng XU. Because of THOSE moments, I practically decided to transfer. And this will be inevitable. (GIBALEK!!)

~070910fri

cinnamons

2010-07-08T07:33:00.001+08:00

I SHOULD really control myself. My emotions are getting ahead of me. ALWAYS. And this DISables me to think logically, which is really, really pathetic of me. I always remind myself to gain control, but, as always (fave word much?) I end up the loser. AGAIN. I hope there's a remedy to this. I get distracted kasi. SUPER. And then again, I can't think logically.

Oh, Love. Please don't hurt me ?

'Coz, it'll really hurt like hell if you continue with that.

Sorry for dragging you yesterday at Cinnamon. I suppose it's the only excuse I can create to be with you just a little longer. Pathetic? Stupid? Well, that's me. I know I'm a nuisance and I always bother you, like, ALL THE TIME. I'm such a dog. I hate it. And, even though you say I'm not--a nuisance or a bother, I mean--I know that you're just being nice to me and you don't want to hurt me 'coz you hate it when I do dramas all the time. And, I'm really really sorry. I'll do my best NOT to do that again. I promise.

I apologize for having such a low self-esteem or a low regard for myself (this is directed to ALL of my love ones). This really affects my work and the people around me negatively. My insecurities are always following me and I can't get rid of 'em 'coz they've been with me since middle school. No worries 'coz I'm training myself to be THE lady that I should ought to be.

~070710wed

a cycle

2010-07-08T05:48:00.000+08:00

...that goes on and on and on~

I get hurt.
I see him.
I'm okay.
We have fun. (Well, he's lookin' like he's having fun.)
I remember it.
I see him again.
He's bored/not-in-the-mood/nangluya/walay ganah.
He ignores me. (Takes me for granted.)
I get hurt.

Well, you get the picture. Hm~ This is just as pathetic and stupid as drinking a HOT coffee on a HOT day. Psh.

~070610tue

A Soft Heart

2010-07-06T06:00:00.001+08:00

And they say SAGING lang ang may puso. Ha! Well, they call me banana. Pfft.

No matter how I try to be firm and VERY stone-hearted (or wtv you call it) I always end up a loser. I end up forgiving the person. Hm. I'm such a pusong-mamon person. Ugh! Why can't I be mean and rude?? Why can't I be apathetic like everyone else?? Ha! I forgot, I'm me--chiqui--and I'm NOT like anybody else. Coz I have the softest heart ever. Hmpf. Yeah right!

So, yeah. Instead of being I-Don't-Want-To-Care-About-You-Coz-You-Don't-Even-Care-About-Me-Too, I was like, WHUT?! Pusong-mamon nga naman. Pagnakita na siya, parang my sumusulpot na flowers sa paligid o di kaya'y humanhangin. Parang anime. Haha! Nkkloka! I didn't expect to see him there kasi. I was walking like I'm the only person in the world--which is partly true coz I was the ONLY person walking down the hallway. Na-shock naman ako kasi siya yung una kong nakita. (Iinom na sana ako ng tubig.) Napatigil ako. I stared at him, then I thought of smiling. WAW!! He smiled back! Amazing. Haha! Good. Very good.

I really love it (and when I say "love it" I really mean like SUPER DUPER ADMIRE IT) when he looks at me--and I catch him. Well, stare at me, most likely. It feels like the world is fine and that everything is right. Sigh~ Especially when he looks/observes/stares at me from afar, and I caught him looking (redundant much?). Hmm I think I felt blood rushing on my cheeks. I give him a sheepish smile then, I get a little conscious.

WTV. He never really cared. I'm so in denial here. I just hope I'm REALLY just denying.

[070510mon]

coz i mean nothing...

2010-07-05T04:57:00.000+08:00

...to you and you don't know why.

Well, he knows why. Sigh~

Unsaon nalang, when you visited your Love's FB profile and you read the shoutout. And you see an undesirable message. The message wasn't for you. NEVER in a million years were or will be, that his messages would be about or intended for you. Hapdos kayo hunahunaon dah? Hm. And then you remember those moments you had together. You both had fun--well, atleast he looks as if he's having fun. But, that's just overrated, coz you move back to reality and remember the shoutout you read. And that's just plain pain.

So, I skept a beat. My heart swells in the most upturning, aching way. And, obviously, it hurts like hell. I mean, no exaggeration here (just a little). Okay okay. I know this post sounds (or reads? haha) redundant. But, how am I suppose to contain pain, such as this?? Ugh.

It's almost 5am. I better take a bath now.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh samuk bah kayo nimo chiqui oiiii!!! x((( Ambak kog tulay run nah!!! Hmpf!! Anything nga maka-palimot sako aniiiii. Sa iya!!! Naa untay manguyab oii, sugton jud nako!!! Naahh!!! Hm.

Sorry 'bout that. I know that's wrong. Hm. Just got carried away. I'm so pathetic. How stupid. WOAH! Indulging in self-pity, huh. Way to go chix! (sarcastic mode)

G2G.

there goes my heart

2010-07-03T19:49:00.000+08:00

Isn't it amazing how our emotions work? I mean, they're all the cause of our crrrazy hormones and those other scientific stuff--wtv--but, it's really dynamic, if we'd only take it under our microscopes.

Well, IDK where to start. Hm.

I always remind myself NOT to go to his FB profile. EVER. But, human as I am, I make mistakes, and that can't be undone (defensive mode). I get to click that cute little profile picture and I get redirected to his FB page. And...VIOLA! I read his shoutout. AND THERE GOES MY HEART...

How pathetic.